do you ever roll up your sleeves to wash your hands and one of the sleeves starts slipping down like its attracted to the water and all you can think is “dont you fucking dare”
"People say I love you all the time - when they say, ‘take an umbrella, it’s raining,’ or ‘hurry back,’ or even ‘watch out, you’ll break your neck.’ There are hundreds of ways of wording it - you just have to listen for it, my dear."
— The Curious Savage (John Patrick)
(Source: quotesilyke, via aleiaaaax3)
the invention of the shovel was a groundbreaking discovery.
however, it was nothing compared to the broom. That swept the nation
(Source: gavirn, via thtsluttt)
i just heard the most intense scream in my kitchen so i got up to see what was wrong and my 11 year old sister was on the floor cuddling a bag of potato chips and i said dude whats wrong and she yelled ”THEYRE STALE. WHY DOES THE WOLRD HATE ME? I HAVE DONE NOTHING TO DESERVE THIS”
is that a watermelon on the floor
no its her sister omg dont be so rude
(Source: lightsandlourry, via thtsluttt)